I'm so sick and tired of people minimizing my concerns about my son. I am SICK TO DEATH of it!!

Every single time I hear someone say, "Well, that's just how kids are", I want to SPIT.

So what are you saying?? That I'm stupid and over reacting? Hey, thanks for the confidence in my parenting abilities and for really supporting my son.

There is a problem here. Why am *I* the only person who sees it?!?! Just because he doesn't have blatantly obvious issues doesn't mean there's nothing wrong and I'm a moron.

I know I'm not the only person who sees it; we're getting some great services and support through the elementary school. But when it comes to some of these more subtle issues, I can't get anyone to take me seriously... or at least seriously enough to help my son.

I feel so utterly helpless, impotent and hopeless. I don't know where to turn. I don't know how to help him. I'm so angry. I'm out of words for trying to explain it to people. I'm out of patience with my son and myself and the world.

Today was a really rough day.

The sweet smell of earth and vegetation

Every morning when I get up, I head out to my balcony to investigate all the overnight changes. The cool, dampness of a sunny morning reminds me of mornings on my grandparents' farm over twenty years ago. The morning sun peeking over the hills of their farm, creating acres of sparkling grass and plants as the dew caught the sun's rays.

I don't have much dew on my balcony, but I do have that feeling of a fresh morning. I smell the wet dirt, the vibrant plants and soak in essence of a spring morning.

I suppose I'm a bit obsessive; I check each of my plants for changes. How much can change in the fewer than twelve hours since I last checked? But I still check. When I come inside and stretch out on the sofa to check all the internet happenings, I can still smell my tomato plant on my fingers.

And I smile.

My balcony excites me daily

My urban gardening experiment is well under way. So far, I've made four hanging veggie planters, including a multi-strawberry hanger, and have quite a few seedling plants growing in various containers.

This project started as a tiny seed of "what if... I wonder if I could..." sometime last fall. I held onto the idea all winter and did my research. I scoured the internet for balcony/hanging gardening ideas. I asked friends to share their knowledge and for advice. I got crafty and decided to make my own homemade version of the Topsy Turvy planters.

And, I got excited!

I've really enjoyed watching my seeds sprout and grow. I had a great time making my upside down planters with my friends. I went to an organic farm to purchase some plants with a friend.

Yes, I even enjoyed getting dirt under my nails, getting dirty and playing in the soil.

And how appropriate that today, Earth Day, I was able to pick our first ripe strawberry and found flower blossoms on my tomato plant!

Something positive

It's been one crummy thing after another around our house for the past few years. If I were to list all the bad things that have happened, you'd think I was making it up. Layoffs, illnesses, car trouble, etc, etc. But when something positive comes along, I really try to celebrate it and revel in the fact that good things do happen and you have to keep having hope.

I got a phone call today that my daughter was accepted into the Head Start program at the elemetary school. This is WONDERFUL news!! She is so ready to be in school. She's incredibly jealous that her brother will go to kindergarten in the fall and is desperate to go to school too. They will both be in the same school so they'll see each other in the halls and might even ride the same bus if they start their days at the same time. Best of all, it's free! There's no way we could afford preschool for her so is a huge blessing.

This also means that I can get a small, part-time job in the fall and not have to worry about day care costs.

As much as I am looking forward to summer, I'm almost wishing it was fall already! The kids are so excited about school and I'm just as excited about their enthusiasm and all the wonderful experiences ahead for them.